a friend asked - "what would an advocate do if the decision a survivor is going to make is clearly not a right decision, a decision where she will risk her life again?"
how do i know what is the "right" decision for that survivor? i may have assumptions based on my personal experiences and values but those don't always apply to that survivor.
the important thing is to give a survivor choices-- to make sure they are aware of what choices they have, then to support whatever they decide. if that choice doesn't work out for them, then they can try a different choice. it is empowering when a person in an abusive situation finally sees that she is capable of making her own decisions and that it's ok to make mistakes.
as for life-risking choices - of course that's not an easy one. but keep this in mind, the chance of women getting murdered is raised by a high percentage when the woman leave her abuser. therefore, leaving is not always the best decision. it is easy for us to tell women what we think is right and scold her if she doesn't take our suggestions. in reality, she knows what she must do to keep herself alive, even if it means staying with her abuser. what if the choice is between death and/or being homeless or staying with an abusive partner? what's the better choice? no one but the survivor can decide that.
our job as advocates is to simply make sure the survivor knows what her options are then support her decision no matter what it is.
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